Dear Teacher,
I received your email apologizing "if you hurt my feelings" and saying you "thought we got off on the wrong foot."
Well, I'd say we did.
I emailed you back. It took me several hours because I needed to calm down and breathe and figure out how to politely tell you that emailing me to apologize "if you hurt my feelings" was degrading and back-handed.
You haven't responded to that email yet. I sent it last Friday.
I'm sure you're busy.
I spoke to the principal. When I spoke to her on Friday she couldn't believe the quote I gave her was actually said. You know, that thing you said about "the gifted children always being above and ... you know ... 'the special need' always being below because that's 'just how it is'."
On Monday, your boss told me that you fully owned that statement but that what I got wrong was that you weren't just talking to another parent when you said that, but that you were talking to a fellow teacher at this school whose daughter is in your classroom. I'm not sure how that was supposed to help with the situation except maybe now I know who I don't want to teach my son when he is in fourth grade. She told me that it was a "conversation between colleagues" that was "never meant to be heard by a parent" and that it was "unfortunate that I heard it."
I'm not really sure how we went from Friday to Monday with that change.
I don't think it's unfortunate that I heard it - the conversation that took place with a wide-open door that lasted into my son's parent/teacher conference time. The scheduled time where you knew you were going to be meeting with the mother of one of ... you know ... "the special needs". Maybe you assumed I would be late because I also overheard how you talked about "those kids" who don't know all of their letters when they enter your class. I heard the tone and the sighs and the little digs you made towards the parents of those kids because, surely, we must not care about their education or well-being. I'm sure you just assumed I'd be late since my child has trouble remembering that an uppercase "I" and a lowercase "l" look the same. That's a reasonable thought.
Sure.
I really appreciated how you spoke slowly and used small words when you talked to me about my son. It would have been difficult for me to understand his kindergarten curriculum if you hadn't. I also really appreciated how you hadn't read his IEP until just before our meeting - two weeks into school. I know how inconvenient that piece of paper must be for you. How much time it must take from your life to read how his brain works and the simple two or three steps it asks you to take with him each day. And his IEP isn't nearly as involved as my three-year-olds. Remember? I asked how you would handle my little giant if he was in your classroom - the one on the spectrum who is highly-intelligent. Wouldn't shock me if he tested gifted once they finally can test him. You told me he wouldn't be able to learn with the "gifted" children or even the average kiddos because in kindergarten "the special needs" aren't ready for that integration. I have a really awesome book on Special Education Law. Please, let me know if you would like to borrow it.
I think the only "unfortunate" part of any of this is that you - an educator and these kids very first step in their educational journey - that you see no issue with discussing that "the special needs" will "always be lower". THAT is what is unfortunate. That is what is unacceptable.
This has nothing to do with children learning differently. It has nothing to do with meeting the needs of each individual child. In no way am I asking you to teach my son the same way you teach the little girl that sparked this entire thing - the one who reads on the third-grade-level - contrary to what it seems you suggested to the principal.
I am asking you to never refer to my son as "always below" ever again. I am asking you to in no way ever say a word or make a face or have an open-door conversation that writes him off before he even gets started. I am asking you to follow the oath you make as an educator. I am asking you to see my child as able and worthy and deserving rather than an inconvenience or extra work or a nuisance.
My son loves to learn. I know it's going to be a little harder to teach him. I know that IEP asks you to do a little more with him. I know that being excited that, after working with him for an hour last night, when he finally got down how to write his name as "Logan" rather than "LOGAN" isn't nearly as fun for you to brag about as having a student who reads on the third-grade-level. But for my son that was a victory and was celebrated in our home.
Don't you dare lump him into some made up category of "always lower". He's five-years-old. He's eager to learn. Don't you dare take his joy. Don't you dare squander his sense of wonder. Don't you dare make him think he'll never be good enough to be more.
- His Biggest Fan, His Mom
Megan,
ReplyDeleteIt physically pains me to read this post. As a teacher, I want to say that I am ashamed to call this woman a colleague. She should be ashamed of herself as well. If this is how she views her students, then she has no business being in the classroom.
I teach many students who have evaluations and often, the accommodations that they require are ones that the whole class will benefit from getting. In fact, I find that those whose accommodations are met early on are the ones who often do not need them or have learned to compensate once they get to me. In fact, they are the students that I brag about, because they are the ones that I can see the biggest difference in from the beginning of the year to the end, not the ones who come to me already excelling.
It is sad that she is Logan's introduction to school. Is there any way that you can switch him to another teacher who will celebrate his victories with you? I hope that your year gets better and that you teach that teacher a thing or two.